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You are viewing the most recent 20 entries January 6th, 200512:14 am: FARE-WELL MY FRIENDS
And Thus With Each Beginning There Must Be A End! And So Comes The Conclusion. This Is My Final Entry. A Final Word of Advice For Your Future: 'Loving Someone Deeply Gives You Strength, Being Loved Deeply By Someone Gives you Courage' Have A Great Year My Friends And GOOD LUCK!
December 29th, 200412:15 am: WORST CHRISTMAS EVER!
well you know what, im calm and im kewl... but i think life has taken its round out of me... im black and blue and dont wanna take anymore steps. i have finally found MYSELF after years of searching and finally found the key to unlocking it all and finally was working on changing who i was... it was slow but it would work and now i finally give up... i could carry on be the man i want to be... but i've decided to kill him... I worked so hard and so hard indeed to pop this puzzel, and i was assured and LIED to about everything it just doesnt matter, nobody really knows, nobody really cares, everything is sympathy... i gave up everything: time, money, my whole entire heart to have it betrayed and backstabbed... is this the end? or should i make it the end? i stil have yet to discuss this but im sure the desition will be clear. the one thing that got me threw a day was that... and the reason why? because i had a purpose, a reason and that they dont understand that is beyond me. i just... i changed my whole self appearance, my whole inner attitude, my whole self just to make them happy, and yet... in the process i discover myself but then loose my goal... loose my future, loose my life... maybe i found it too soon and now that i have it hasta end because thats how god created it... I also think that this is my last trip to happy land, this was my last day to think and not fake my smile. I did all this stuff because i had respect and i changed because i CHOSE to. If it doesn't end here... i can follow threw with this and not feel like it was a waste of money and time. it may have been a valuable lesson learned and a lesson learned... trust nobody... you know i dont even think i wanna have kids anymore having them go threw this pain... its not worth it. but in all truth she is worth it. also i beleive this is the last time... last chance that i had and i didnt work hard enough i shoulda worked harder. i shoulda... you know im not really worth anyones time in fact if you think about it... nobody is... we are all just specs in the universe that dont matter. hmmmz well uhm ill update my rant better when i have a alcohol filled mind to help me think better. and to all of you who read this, keeep in mind its a journal... its not ment to make sense just for me to jot down and make me feel vented.
November 11th, 200409:14 pm: WOMEN READ THIS.(maybe you will learn something)
TO ALL WOMEN The Answer To All Your Questions Statement:Guys think about sex all the time... Answer yes this is true... but thats only because guys arn't multitalented, we can only think about one thing so if forsay you turn us on or mention it it will be on our minds for quite a while, but this also goes for videogames. if you try to talk to us or interupt us juring a video game we dont have the skills to reply with more then a nod, yes dear or okay sure... Males have a one track mind so if put in a place of thought, pleasure or anything exciting that thing will be on his mind untill you can replace it with something better or something TERRIBLE(mother inlaw). Some males may say they are multitalented but that is a myth... they can be physically multitalented to a point but mentally, never. Well this has been a message brought to you by X2. Writen By IceX2. Questions or more statements please send to IceDragonVX@hotmail.com and we will reply to you ASAP. Thanks.
October 20th, 200405:37 pm: I Think I Got My Christmas List Done
I got my christmas list done and it seams really simple... Da-List: 1. The Most Important... A Girl Who Will Be There, Tell Me That I'm Actually Worth Something And Will Take Care of Me... Support me when im down... and hold me when im sad. 2. Randy River Clothes. 3. The Last Blink 182 CD i Dont Have(Boxcar Racer) 4. Zippo/Tiger lighter. 5. At least 4 days with my family and 4 days with my friends... 6. Least Important... LAID! haha Current Mood:  Extreamly Depressed Current Music: Boxcar Racer - There Is October 17th, 200406:22 pm:
Name Origin: Celtic Number of Syllables: 2.00 Gender: Unisex More interesting facts about the name Lesley: Lucky Number: 6 Ruling Planet: Venus Element: Earth Primary Color: Indigo Traits: Gentle and refined; pleasant and sociable. Usually good looking. Natural peacemaker; able to soothe ruffled feelings. Often experiences difficulties in financial fields. Excellent as a host or hostess. Friendly and agreeable.
October 11th, 200406:26 pm: KEWL
HOLY SHIT | How to make a xxxIcexxx |
Ingredients:
1 part success
1 part courage
1 part empathy |
Method:
Combine in a tall glass half filled with crushed ice. Add a little caring if desired! |
03:35 pm: Too Long Sinse Last Entry
well... i havent updated in a while so i thought it was about time to do such a thing. Uhm i have been working 40-44 hour weeks and im litterally bushed outta my mind. working at Randy River is actually A LOT harder then working at Movie Gallery. but its teh same concept and basic responsibilities, a little more at R2 but it works out nicly, for experience. I'm actualling gonna apply at a Restaurant soon to see if i can get that job aswell. Thanksgiving: well to tell you all the truth i didn't even get to have on this year... EVery year before this i got A LOAD table full and pudding, Jello and Pie, but this year i made myself noodles in my appartment almost alone. Ryan being a good guy decided to spend Thanksgiving iwth me insted of going home so i wouldnt be alone. My roomate went home for Thanksgiving and got to have a great time. So i Made noodles and beef coated in some beer, with Kaluha pudding(which is SUPER good) and vegitables. uhm yeah... so thanksgiving is pretty worthless when you can't spend it with your family. Well im going home thursday for my moms birthday and staying till i think Tuesday morning or something. I hope im gonna be able to see everyone again like Chelsea, David, Kirk, Jimmy, Stacy and the rest of the gang. im also gonna stop in at my old work... and i think we are going out for drinks with my mom... Ohh and we hafta do a tradition, me and kirk hafta have a Risk game with my mom for her birthday. uhm well if i can think of anything else to add to this update in my life i'll write it tomarrow... Chill For Your Thrill IceX2 Current Mood: depressed Current Music: Tenacious D - Fuck Her Gently September 27th, 200407:15 pm: Just Shoot Me
Anohter Horrible DAY. well of course Cheryl and Greg didn't come up today, but thas predictable. Next weeknd im having a party that should be REALLY fun but once again the one person i want/need to be there won't be there because of work. I just wanna be happy for once. Like happy like i was before, man you know everyone thinks love is perfect and when your in a relationship that you actaully in love with that "ohh im not THAT HAPPY as perfection" but when you break up and look back on it... you would do anything to have that back. my arms feel like Noodles, my heart feels... well it feels like its gone, and i feel tired... and just not really worth getting up and eating or shaving or going to the bathroom. But joven woul hrut me if i peed everywhere:P. ive been "looking" i guess you could say at other girls.. but htey are just Empty Icing... The only thing i can think of... when i look at couples and just plain girls in particular. I walked into Guess the other day... yeah BIG step for me. Just to remember the shirt i bought her. haha fun stuff... you know htere is a lot of things i do different now... im not embarrassed very easily by anything anymore... i actually enjoy the things chelsea used to do which i thought were stupid and "unmasculan" either my subconcious wants her back as bad as my heart does... or im just on crack going threw EXTREAM denial. Well thats a update for Today. Chill For Your Thrill IceX2 Current Mood: depressed Current Music: Girl @ The Rock Show - Blink 182 September 26th, 200402:58 pm: Bummer
Well it seams like usuall, plans fall threw but you know what i seen it coming. Nothing really goes right for me. The only thing within the last 5 months that has gone right would be me actually graduating... and getting 2 jobs up here in edmonton as well as moving out. but still thats nothign compaired to how much ive actually put effort into. At least Cheryl is coming up tomarrow, which i hope is still true although i kinda doubt it and it will fall threw too. Next weekend Ryan and Chris are coming up but that might fall threw aswell... damn life sucks. anyways short update. Chill For Your Thrill IceX2 Current Mood: cold Current Music: Cosmic Dare - Sitten Pretty 12:14 pm: *shrug*
Nightmares keep getting worse and the pain still carrys on. Adam and Chelsea are coming over tonight for some Drunken fun i guess. either Today or Tomarrow Cheryl and Greg are coming up for some Drunk and High fun. nothing really New i miss all my friends partying and hanging out. so its good to have them come and visit me. Depression i think is going back down to like i was in April and May but that was due to stress, this is due to stress and heartbreak and i can't go back for the pillz because its all willpower baby. The problem is i don't think i have the strength or will power to want to carry on also i got a weird thing to state. You know when a cat scratches you your scratch swells up, because of hte bacteria in their claws and stuff. but Why did my brand new Knifes do that to my arm!??!! man it was weird, and they are SUPER sharp. Today better be worth my time or i am gonna be super depressed. I just need you to be my hero, thats all... save me. Chill for your Thrill IceX2 Current Mood: cold Current Music: Akinyele - Put It In Her Mouth September 24th, 200411:08 pm: Randy River
My first actuall day at Randy River as in not in training as -- Manager of Part Time/Assistant Manager -- its A LOT harder then it looks working at a Clothing store. there is A LOT of shit to do man, and you never ever STOP. Cool people to work with though. My partner assistant manager is a guy named Matt who is gay, but man he is so cool haha he had a date today and went to a party(wonder what he is doing tonight). kinda sick to think of but thats what my actual Manager said to me today. Her name is Tanya, she just got married 1 month ago or so to a cool guy who does all the cooking. Working there is a blast but A LOT more work then i thought it was gonna be, actually its harder then working at Movie Gallery which i got a job at still when it opens i open it being a Assistant manager there too with a phat $2 raise. Man i can't wait till november if my plans go according to them it should be the best Month well... close to 2nd or 1st of the whole year. can't say whats planned because it would ruin some of hte surprize for someone. I would say the BEST month of my year was March... because it was my birthday which turned out not to be to great but what chelsea did for me was so Fantastic, i couldn't have asked for anyhting more. She is the best in the whole world. hahaha --WAVE-- *claps* you know whats a good song Y0 -all Crush - Bad Enough. heh awesome shit. well im gonna end it here. Peace out im happy, finally i dont know why... well i kinda do. All i can think of for the last day or two is a person and I SERIOUSLY can't get her out well like thats any different then a normal day but nomatter what i did today it was like wow chelsea... anywho. laters Chill For Your Thrill. IceX2 Current Mood: cold Current Music: Crush - Bad Enough September 22nd, 200411:17 pm: I Hate Myself And Want To Die
Don't you hate it when you find that one thing, the one thing in the whole world who makes you happy and you work your ass of for it and would do absolutly anything for it and it stabs you in the back and TWISTS and TWITS till your paralized and can't move at all. You know what its not what they do to you its just that they keep lieing and thats the one thing that bothers me about anything. See if you tell me the truth first i won't be mad nomatter what it is... but if you LIE thats over the edge. You know what, it doesnt even hurt that much my heart was only put together a little bit and fell apart just a small fragment was together and now distoryed so now its all in peices once again. Rules To Suicide: 1: make it look like a accident 2: say your last goodbyes 3: make sure you get your point across 4: make sure you left nothing unsaid or undone hmmz interesting, thoughs are my new rules. love sucks i just need some advice... keep trying my hardest, keep being forgiving and caring or give up? im going with Never give up because someday you'll be happy but eh, i just need someone to support me because i have NOBODY... *sihg* Chill For Your Thrill IceX2
September 17th, 200403:08 pm: Wow... A lot of missed stuff...
Thats kick ass... hahaha anyways its my first weekend back sinse i've moved to edmonton everything seems so... weird. but yeah im here on business i think... paychecks, closing a bank account, collecting money... and to see a couple people... like Chelsea, Kirk, and David... yup so i aint got much new, my place is big and still EMPTY foods alright, although im REALLY broke. got a job at Randy River, which is sweet because no more god damn uniforms and i start off as a manager type person. w00t. anywho ill prolly update more this weekend so see ya peeps. Chill for your Thrill IceX2
September 5th, 200406:29 am: 6:30am
YAY for not sleeping... i knew i wouldn't sleep to much on the mind. had a good day i guess kinda sad... though yah darcy mad a big fit about me leaven, poor guy im the one he always hangs out with, prolly because im the only REGULAR male that works there. now he has Taso i guess... and a new guy named Jason who is from Ireland which is cool. Uhm yeah so "Titles" i never knew they were important. i guess titles are important to a persons image as how people see them right. A boyfriend or girlfriend of someone is a important image... or is it... i think Titles dont really exist its just a excuse of fearing what people think of you if you say its a Title... a title is your name and who you are "SUB-TITLES" is a brief message of who you are. like me Ice --Silver Warrior-- or Ice Hydian --Heaven's Prince of Sorrow-- i guess that Subtitle could mean something to some people... hmmz well eh Titles arn't really titles its just how you interperet them. Some people are scared of taking on a certain title because they are afraid of the responsibility and because of the "Plublicity" they would get like questions and whatknot. like Sharon, doesn't wanna be a bartender but she would be such a good one because she is afraid she is gonna become "the whore" auh, and Stacy Nauhn who is afraid to go out with someone because it would affect her friends views on her... eh... life sucks. and people take life to seriously... especially me, but only in the things that REALLY matter. enough ranting time to watch a movie... YAY ... Chill For Your Thrill IceX2
September 3rd, 200411:15 am: Moving Stuff
WOW, today is a very interesting day. Went to bed at 5:30am. Woke up at 9am started packing with my dad. it was all like no no no no dad it wont fit threw the door DEMENTIONS DAD DEMENTIONS!!! *POW* HOLY FUCK MY HAND! yeah so im in quite a bit of pain... got so many scrapes and buises. I've never had this many bruises sinse i was going out with Chelsea;) hahahahhahah. anyways, just eating soup taken a break. LUNCH AND BREAKFAST YAY..... .. .... ...... . Actually for my first Months rent i hadda borrow $30 bucks offa my roomate to pay for rent but thats all shibby shabby because its technically "MY PLACE" now anyways ALL MY SHIT is there he has nothing:P hahahahahahha. Well man im excited to get away from my parents. I'm really scared though because i hope i don't lose the one i worked so hard for just to loose it. not like i have it hahaha but i you all know what i mean. but you know what hope means. QUOTE OF THE DAY*theme music*: Hope Is The Denial Of Reality I think im gonna start writing a book, about ethics. no i wont im to lazy, and i hate reading. BOOX SUCK. SOUP RULES. so the things i dont have but need for my new house are like, decorations for the wall... like pictures and stuff. AND A TOASTER, AND A MICROWAVE... AND A PHONE, AND INTERNET DEFINATLY INTERNET, CANT GO WITHOUT COMPUTER *Twitch*. well i must make haste to my money order, so ill ttyl. Chill For Your Thrill. IceX2 Current Mood: cold Current Music: Ding Ding Dong August 30th, 200403:58 pm: Obsession??
I've been thinking a lot. I'm living in edmonton in a couple days and like i said in my former journal entry. that i have given up on relationships(unless something comes up too important). Well it seams i lost who i am, because of something i lost very dear to me. I believe only one of you know what that is. My morals are the thing holding me back greatly. Making love and Having sex are to totally different things and having sex isn't as great as making love, so when you are having sex its like a CHORE and not fun. UGH, most of my friends don't understand how i feel especially Jimmy my best friend because he wouldn't know what love is... although i think he is starting to come around to the understand me part. He knows what means the most to me, and he is finally starting to say the right things... not like "just go get laid"... ugh, anyways you know what, being myself doesnt work at all, im forgotten when im myself... it's like i dont exist. And like i heard from a famous actor... everyone isnt themselves everyone hides behind lyes. Girls for example wear makeup(you dont look like that), wear high heals(you aint that tall), wear lazensa bras(your boobs arnt that big). well you know i dont know what my point is. I just think im gonna go against everything i am because everything i am... is gone, taken away from me and wont give me my second chance... i've had so many nightmares, waking up to the same thing EVERY FUCKEN DAY, like todayi woke up after i asked a question and the question was halfanswered yet still not to the point where i know what it was. but i think i know waht it was. i need help... Todays Philosephy: "The meaning of life is to find yourself. Your Purpose In Life is To Aid Others In Their Quest For Themselves. The Only Way to Find Ones Self and Fullfill A Purpose is To Find your [better half]" The Meaning of Life and The Purpose can be intermeignled i think. Hmmmz... I've come to the conclusion about myself that i need help finding my inner self. The only way i am gonna be able to possibly find myself is to have my [better half]. anyways my life has little meaning right now. I Have nothing else on the mind and no real purpose, because the one i was aiding is gone. School and work seam very unimportant, and yet... come to think of it my purpose still does remain because i have been using everything in my power(even my parents) to help. eh do i even really know what im talking about??? Chill For Your Thrill IceX2 Current Mood: cold Current Music: Delirious - Obsession August 23rd, 200401:00 pm: *shrug* tug?
been a little bit sinse i updated. Weekend party was really fun. I dunno i passed out FIRST before anyone else, david looked after the house though. Couldn't find a better friend. People showed up who i didnt know, but they were girls so i guess it was alright. Also apparently i smoked up for the first time. it felt like a dream to me due to the fact i drank halfa micky of Everclear and half a micky of Vodka with some beers here and there. Ashley stayed till Monday 3:10... and we had some good chats esspecially with cheryl. I'm gonna miss cheryl so much... You know... i dont think im ever gonna get over this painfull feeling in my chest. Apparently i have gull stones due to stress and from the time of grad and a little before then they started. My boss says the only way to fix it is to find someone that you care about and then you wont hafta worry or be sad... but thats nearly impossible because i don't care about any other girl... iv had deep thinking conversations with myself about it... and ive also tried forcing myself. hmmm i hate life, so many hurdles to jump and without the right shoes(nike/adidas) you can't jump shit... also you need some gatorade or powerade. On a brighter subject i got a call from Boardwalk saying i got the place and i just gotta pay some payments and move in the 1st or so whenever i decide to go with joven. im so scared... i also hafta get transfered which my boss said it would be alright. well i guess this is all the interesting stuff i can offer. Chill for your Thrill IceX2 Current Mood: cold Current Music: Ya'll Want A Single - Korn
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